Sneaky Snacking

So i think you can gather that sharing and my hatred for it is still a huge part of my life. We just have a funny thing with food him and I. Not only has our relationship always represented a not so verbal contract to share everything i also am not allowed to snack! It's like i live in a real life food chain. I can't eat food on my own and when i can finally eat, i must share it with him! I didn't sign up for this! I have developed a habit to solve both these problems and i call it sneaky snacking (it can also be mistaken for gluttony). Sneaky snacking is when you take the seldom opportunity to eat something delicious without your significant other finding out, a lot of the times it just looks like you are shoving your face in the corner of the kitchen while suffering from an attack of paranoia but its a really effective protection against sharing and against that weird thing your bf does when he counts how many portions of the food you have had. With sneaky snacking, that cookie will look like your 2nd when its actually your 4th and you can feign satisfactions with just a little! Genius! I actually can't claim to be the originator because upon reflecting on my childhood i now clearly remember my mother practicing it well. While at the time i didn't know what all the secrecy was about, I will say that i now can completely understand why i found my mom so many times in a dark kitchen eating the last of the chocolate chip brownies, or all those times i knew she was locking herself in the bathroom to eat chocolates. It now makes so much sense to me and i can completely identify and understand how a woman can be forced into the secret food binge (the underground food train, is that appropriate? i think i have been in SA too long)!

I'm reminded of a story that my father never seem to let my mom forget: in Italy my mother was in-charge of getting things from the bakery (that's entrapment dad and its illegal). While walking back she decided to eat something chocolaty on the street corner (maybe so he wouldn't guilt trip her for it, maybe so she wouldn't have to share, maybe just to have a moment all for herself, i don't know mom they all seem like great and understandable reasons to me!), her fatal mistake was doing her secret snacking so close to home. My creepy father was at the window and saw the entire thing. While i think I am a rather good SS (secret snacker) it's extremely difficult to hide it from the born naggers such as my father and my bf. I have also made the same blunder that my poor mother made on that fateful corner in Italy.

A couple of weeks ago, I took the opportunity to grab a handful of frosted flakes while my boyfriend was in the bathroom. Lets just ignore the fact that when picking out the cereal he had told me in a "we are at Tiffanys" kind of way to pick out anything I wanted! I grabbed the frosted flakes under the naive pretense that i would be able to consume them freely! well i quickly learned that was a no no, and that's why in this story i am already SSing with them. I heard the bathroom door open and in a last pathetic attempt to complete my SS i shoved the entire handful into my mouth! I was sitting on the bed with 2 other friends, he entered the room and i thought cleverly if i didn't look at him he wouldn't see me chewing and i would be able to pull the whole thing off! My head was turned the other way and I was desperately trying to swallow those frosties before the gig was up, tragically i didn't have nearly enough saliva, not by a long shot! But it didn't matter, that mother fucker knew immediately!!! i mean immediately! "what are you eating? Jamal??" I couldn't answer because i was diligently working on destroying the evidence in my mouth. I wasn't quick enough. He ran across the room and grabbed my head, pinching my cheeks and forced me to show him the delicious frosties hiding in my mouth. Caught frosted handed! he's like a god damn parole officer with that shit! It just means we need to get sneakier, more cut throat! I think i'll try that bathroom lockin idea next time!