A good game of Kickball!

Let me set the scene, i'm in 4th grade and barely hitting 4 feet, i'm short, puny and i have a boys haircut (thanks mom - sure that seemed like a real good idea after we saw 'My Girl' and i was suffering from the delusional pain of getting my ears pierced!) That boys hair cut ruined so many years of my life! I still cant forget when that bitch Jackqueline told me that she wouldn't let me off the bus until i showed her my penis (the little pervert!) I did later thank my lioness mother that came on the bus and scared the shit out of that little bitch! You show her mom! Either way where was I? Oh yeah I am weak, short and standing in the great line of shame. I am sure all of you or at least i hope some of you understand what it was like in 4th grade during recess and the best thing to play was kickball!!! and the fear you experienced when the two best kick-ballers stood up as captains and began that embarrassing process for some of us by hand picking their team. It was always two boys wasn't it? fucking men per usual! I hated standing in that fucking line because i knew that i was bound to be picked last and it was unbearably embarrassing to stand there and hope for your name to be called but remain disappointed after you heard every name but yours! Now this time i'm not 10, i'm actually 22 and standing in a tennis court where my boyfriend and his friends are playing 4 on 4 soccer. The scene is a little different but the line of shame hasn't changed a fucking bit. I remember when i was younger i would cleverly strike a deal with one of my stronger more "picked" friends and create a packaged deal, you take her you take me! Many of my problems during kickball were solved in this fashion but i had the slight worry that one of my bf's friends wouldn't appreciate my arm locking and forced pairing.

Women think more then men, that is a broad generalization i will make from the personal fact that i think more then my bf, not in a mean way but just in the way that my mom has taught me that every grunt, look, head movement can be interpreted and possibly be a sign of attitude "hmmf" "what does that mean?" "nothing! i didn't mean anything by it!" "ok fine" "well wtf does 'ok fine' mean?" "nothing! i wasn't saying anything!" and so on and so on. I have become her! and to me actions mean something but my boyfriend just operates on pure boy rational that is, lets be serious, usually insensitive and dumb! But it is hard to blame them for something that their feeble minds aren't capable of grasping! I think gaz prides himself on treating me like on of the guys, his best friend, but i also think that is a really clever excuse for getting him out of trouble for not giving me the special attention that I want!

We had gone over to our friends house because the boys had organized a soccer game. Oooo i should probably make a small insert that in the morning I had dared to put on my boyfriends pants and proceeded to get ready to leave the house, i think the boy had a tiny male heart attack when he saw me in them, what are you doing he asked me. What? I knew this was gonna be a good one so i tried to play my cards right, they are comfortable! arent we roommates baby? cant we share clothes?? I don't really know what the whole hubba baloo was about! he used to be so chilled in the united states and here i can tell he is a lot more self-conscious about what other people think and a lot more embarrassed if i choose to wear something out that is a little less conventional, lets say for example a onesy pink fleece suit! Take them off he insisted! WEll ladies i'll tell you right now HEEEEeeeellll no if he thinks a man is going to tell me what to wear. I fitted my belt on to give the visual sign that the pants were here to stay and this would be a loosing battle for him. I was wearing those fucking jeans whether he liked it or not! jackie! And i think they looked good! So we went over to his friends house and i had agreed to bringing my sporty wear, a sports bra, my trainers, some running shorts (all barely used).

When we got there I watched the boys play and thought mmmmm nope boys are sooo competitive and usually really rough judges when girls join their super cool sporty play date, they act like they want you to play but they really don't (or so i usually think). The girls next to me look like they had no delusional ideas about joining the game, one of them was wearing pleather stiletto boots that went up to her knees (really not conducive with soccer) Ill tell you right now that what my bf wants he gets! he insisted and insisted! I HAD to play! I made him come to the bathroom with me cause i was suuuper nervous! I hadn't played soccer in 5 years and things were bound to be bad! I secretly thought this was either a ploy to get me to work out or a desperate attempt to get me out of his jeans! As i walked out onto the court I got more and more nervous! i was having flashbacks of 4th grade kickball games! OH the Shame!! As captains were picked, my boy friend and another, i immediately thought *ok he's my boyfriend, he knows i am nervous, he has forced his friends to let me play he will definitely no matter what pick me first, i mean com'on we are sleeping together, that has to count for something!* with that confidence I knew immediately that I was wrong. As quickly as this thought had hit me and assured me, it left. I knew that what ever i thought, he would most certainly do the complete opposite because he is a HUGE doofus! (there was still a small part that hoped i was wrong) but that also quickly died inside when he screamed out the first name "DAZ!" WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!! this jackass forced me to play, pressured me on to the field, KNEW how nervous i was and didn't pick me first! WTF!!!!!!!!!!! he didnt pick me 2nd or 3rd or 4th. I felt as if my fourth grade bull cut was showing again! in the end i was on his team by default and for some reason he thought that was a really nice thing for me! After i screamed and hassled him for the rest of the game i actually had a great time and do feel slightly lucky to have a bf that motivates me and pressures me to put myself outside my comfort zone. I had a great time playing! and i know i would have been very bored and discontent if i hadn't! But this DOES NOT! excuse him for not picking me first!!!

He knew he was in for it, but god bless his soul he thought he had a good excuse! Gaz once gave me a would you rather *if in a fight with your girlfriend would you let her punch you in the face to solve it, if it also meant you didn't have to talk about it, would you take the punch?* It wasn't very well hidden that this was how he felt during fights with me! women are from Venus and men are shit stains. Ok ill admit i took advantage, i saw the opportunity and i grabbed it. I confronted him standing besides a huge dog house. It was funny and had context because he had one time asked me if he was in the dog box? and he probably was.... I told him that i would forgive him and we could drop it if he crawled inside the dog house and barked like the dog he was. This was his punch in the face as far as he was concerned and decided quickly that it was well worth it to not hear me give him a talking to. He climbed all the way in, stuck his head out and barked like a dog. Retribution paid right? yeah right i am a woman retribution is always times 2. i quickly dropped to my knees and held him in the box (it was physically rather easy because of the only exit small door that i was kneeling in front of) he knew it was over. I then and there also gave him a talking to! What can i say i like to have my cake and eat it too! it wasn't very fair i know but he fell for it!
"You knew i was nervous! how could you do this!" "baby nooooo you said we wouldn't have to talk about it!! i'm in the dog box, i am in the dog box!!! "shut up! what is wrong with you!! how could you not pick me first!" "But baby i wanted a good team!" "Yeah so what you forced me to play! how could you NOT pick me first!?" "baby i knew you weren't confident! and i didn't want someone who wasn't confident on my team! i thought it would affect your playing!" AHHHHHHHHH at least he is honest! "say you're sorry! say i am right" "you're right, you're right!" when i felt he had enough i let him out of the dog house. It was sweet sweet poetic revenge. He better think again next time before he picks me last, now who do you think wears the pants and holds the leash in this relationship!