*seriously DO NOT READ this if you think poop is weird!
Sometimes i think i am just a rebel, waiting to rebel, in a really rebellious fashion! Whenever i feel like this I like to go to public bathrooms, not lock the door while i am in there cause i like the danger and then my rebellious side takes a BIG shit and doesn't flush! HA surprise bitches! aren't you confused??? By the way i am not joking but I am imagining what the people that actually do that are thinking. This is one scenario i have come up with. Obviously i have just experienced the confusing surprise of finding a huge turd in the public bathroom. It hit me hard because it was in the first stall (the one I always use) and it forced me to use another foreign stall which felt all wrong under my gentle beHind but it also gave me the time to contemplate that huge turd next door (which I knew immediately would be great blogging material, because NOTHING is funnier then poop) So back to contemplation. I dont think i have to mention that i was in the female bathroom because i myself am in fact a female. I know you are shocked in the first place that women could make stinkys in such a fashion. But lets really think about this so we have a couple of options, but lets be real detectives.
On a side note when i was younger and oddly enough watching silence of the lambs by myself (nice movie choice mom and dad) a strong part of me thought i could grow up to be a detective! I mean a strong part of me, strong enough to research the options and process. I looked up becoming a detective, getting into the FBI, I watched law and order, i mean i felt completely prepared as a 14 year old girl to stop any sadistic serial killer in my way. When I realized i would have to be a cop for 5 years first i quickly put the idea to rest (despite the fact that i love donuts but that could just be a cop stereotype i dont know). And now as a 22 year old i can't imagine putting myself in that kind of danger! Having a gun and also using it on people! Basically i have just become a lazy pussy whose only use of the word detective is involved in a poop investigation, dangerous? maybe, yeah! what if someone found me looking at it and thought i was a freak! risky? sure dealing with poo always is, life threatening? hell yeah! i could fall into the toilet and contract some disease! or maybe the stall i am forced to use is harboring a murderer i dont know i'm not a trained detective so i am not really licensed to asses most of these things BUT i was a trained janitor for about 3 months so i think i DO have expertise in other areas that will really help us with this long debated mystery of the mystery poopoo. So lets get back to the case and cold facts. so it could be a couple of things
1. Rebellion : the person wants the shock factor, although they will never be around to see the reaction, they get off on the idea that some one is shocked and disgusted (i was a janitor and i truly believe this occurs on a daily basis)
2. A big stinky man snuck into the bathroom, spent 5 hours on the toilet with a picture book of his choice (cause lets face it they take forever like they are creating a new universe of feces!) then he made a big doody to ruin and stain the beautiful reputation of women everywhere who hide so well this specific bodily function. It probably just rubbed him the wrong way, you know the way women pretend not to poo and he just decided enough was enough and this was the only thing to do about it. It was obviously a suicide mission because if someone as clever as I investigated, the whole jist would be up, especially if they could do that crazy dna stuff and trace it back to him. sad suicide.
3. Maybe the poo took such a long time to complete, that in the end, the relief of birthing such a log was so great that they just completely forgot to flush. A simple innocent mistake, a flight of the mind, a distracted moment that left another in shock and fear, its ok ladies, it happens!!!!
4. It is possible that in the middle of the biggest shit of their life the person in question got a fone call for the job opportunity of a life time! Lets say KFC was hiring and you know for a fact that you get to bring a bucket of chicken home every night. You also know that first impressions are key and that you could possible shit on this incredible opportunity just as you shit in the toilet if your possible new boss hears the career ending sound of a toilet flush. So you run out of the bathroom because the echo will also surely give your disgusting human bodily functions away you dirty filthy pig of a woman. Innocent yes, malicious not at all, does it happen to everyone? certainly! forgivable definitely!
5. The janitor did it! In the first stall! With the candle stick! (it did smell of hatred and resentment) and if that's the case Good for you!
6. the perpetrator could likely just be a big fucking weirdo and not give a fuck (which is suuuuuuper rebellious!), do these people exist?? yes everywhere!
So as I thought and thought about all of this I realized there was only one thing to do. I finished taking my own poo (not really, i am classier than that, i don't poo), I FLUSHED, and then i pulled my pants up, lifted my chin up high, and flushed the first stall toilet. And as far as I am concerned Good deed done for the day! Take that you shock pervert!
well i have nothing to add
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