SA

At least in south africa i wont have to work hard to be so trendy. I mean in melbourne we tried a couple of times but it just took soooooo long to figure out the perfect cute outfit which also looked like you didn't think too much about it. I am talking hours of preparation here. Upon my first entry into a south african clothing store i was practically blinded by all the sequence stitched onto the pants, needless to say i shat myself. But lets start from the top! I got off the plane, which on a side note to any that read about my last plane travels, it is definitely official, you can fart on planes and no one can hear you! Unfortunately i learned the confirmation of this from a comedian so there goes all that material! I got off the plane searching for my sweetheart, prepping myself for the perfect reunion which involved jumping into his arms with a fat kiss. Needless to say i was rather disappointed when i saw his best friend screaming my name and him nowhere in sight! I mean of the two south africans i know he was the LAST person i thought i'd see :) my sweetie ran in about 3 min after my arrival, traffic i was told. No flowers no nothing but his outfit was color coordinated so it wasnt a complete dissapointment.

We then went out to eat with his mom and friend (bru) maybe to make me feel at home they chose a place called "Spur" I have to say that i am delighted to describe this place to my readers because I am sure they are completely unaware of it's existence! Spur is a chain food place similar to our applebees or bbq daves. Except this place is decorated with all native american images. It was almost bizzaar, next to the sign was a native american image in a chief headdress! Our sports teams arent even allowed to do that and in south african they have a fucking chain enterprise with it! AHHHHH inside there were wooden carved eagles, headdresses, axes with feathers, i mean i don't even know how to describe the amount of "native american" memorabilia shit they had inside. They served steaks hamburgers and fries. On the placematt infront of me it talked about a group of indians that in 1985 had set out to create the largest hamburger in the world. Yes of course there is nothing better then creating a giant hamburger for a group of native americans! I ofcourse have to google the validity of this great hamburger legend!

It was my first meal, my first day and my first dine and ditch in south africa!!! I walked out heading to the care to notice my boyfriend walking skittishly infront of me. It was a shit meal with shit service but does that really warrant ditching the bill! ahhhh My first lesson "south africa no rules!!" After just 3 days it would not be my last reminder of this "golden rule" or rather that the only rule is that there are no rules! its like everykids club house has just been realized in a country. Stop lights mean nothing to these people!!

The next day I went with my boyfriend to all his jobs. it was nice just to be with him shooting the shit. It was so odd to look around and see the area where he had grown up. I thought about how one would expect in a country surrounded by such poverty people would maybe live a little more minimally but the only evidence i found in that was the similarity between minimally and minimalls, which are fucking everywhere! and I fucking hate minimalls!!! I like independent stores that dont seem so commercialize. between each minimall there are only highways where the people drive like fucking maniacs!!!! I swear ofter 3 days i feel like i have alraedy almost gotten into 5 accidents, avoided by inches, my dad would just die!!! so basically you need a car, which is not good. I can't even imagine biking around here. But i will say that the people have been beyond friendly. Every one stopping for a chat and like italy all the men very free with the compliments. I was told by the gate man that i looked good and then by our electrician that i looked amazing! Its like italy except in english and i cant say i dont like it. Is it anti-femminist to enjoy being treated like an object, probably. I know many girls that get upset or disgusted but i am like thank you! and keep them coming! common ladies before long our breasts will be hitting the floor and our asses will be slowly sucked into our shriveled old bodies, lets get those compliments while it lasts!

On my third day the depression set in. I have just left a life where my destiny (bike) brings me where ever i want to go. I love that freedom and then i was stuck in a house for the whole day. I was not a happy camper when my boyfriend returned home around 2. I know you are shocked usually i sleep till around 2! but the time difference got me all fucked up and i am waking around 9! At the time I didnt know it but the our night festivities could have made up for 24 hours stuck inside.

We were on our way to SOCCER CITY!!! to watch the south african team play in south africa for the first time!!! it was history and it was fucking fun!!! the line of cars was insane to the point that we were able to just get out walking along the side of traffic tooting these long horn noise makers that EVERYONE has! every one was so festive, singing tooting screaming. Eventually we parked our car on the shoulder of the road behind a huge line of people who had all done the same! no rules!!! we ran towards the stadium as if it were the mother ship. We hit a road block as we came up to a long line of people filing onto a windy bridge. The side street were filled with people selling shit and old ladies selling grilled meats! There was no cocacola stand with some pimply teenage with braces, there were not hotdog carts rolling around, i mean this was real shit. It took a whole 30 seconds for these motivated and problem solving people to find away around the line, before i knew it i was sliding down the side of a path, jumping a 3 foot hill of dirt and grass, and jumping the wall of another part of the bridge. Then we got to the security line, fences were already lying on the ground and there seemed to be nothing similar to a line to follow. A few of the boy i was with jumped one of the line fences, the security who was packing a fucking huge machine gun did not look happy, and neither was i as my boyfriend used my body as a shield against them pushing me to jump the toppling fence as well. HELL NO! that other fucker has a machine gun i am doing what i am told! Obviously i was the only one with this mindset! in the ticket line a poor girl opened a gate to let a journalist through and it was mayhem people running and shoving from all directions, we were tempted because damn it did look fun but i had a feeling i would be the girl who fell on the ground left behind by the group of boys i came with! inside there was more running to get seats, a fucking obstacle course. i kept my slow and steady gait. Inside it was phenomenal, the place was packed! You couldnt even talk from all the horns going off! You can tell theyre new to this though, the crowd wasnt very organized in their chaos, they really need to learn how to chant with eachother!! South africa won! and we got to head home content.

its been so bazaar to be with my boy and bru in their own country. Its like the twilight zone! they saw that i was tripping and decided to take the night further! we stopped at the montecarlo casino! You think you are in africa now?? my boyfriend said wait till we get inside the casino you are going to shit your face off! and shit my face off i did indeed! How do i begin to describe this place. It was a little italy made of plastics, the ceiling was painted like the sky and through out the fake city the time of day changed. They had cobble stone streets fountains, bikes chained to lamp posts! a little polizia car! little mini piazzas! una trattoria! the only thing was everything was made of plastic!! it was like they thought, well if we cant go to europe we will just have to bring europe to us! I had walked through streets like these in italy, it was beyond realistic except that it was all PLASTIC!!!! They had fake discotechas and pubs where the brick colums were also plastic!! I dont know if the people in them thought of it as fake but i could definitely spot the impostor!! they even had an "american" store. I was again about to come face to face with my own culture and shit myself. Outside the stores two tall wooden carved native americans stood proudly. Now heres the kicker. They were carved wearing skirts painted the stars and stripes of the american flag! Is it offensive if no one that looks at it realizes it!? to ad a little metaphorical kicker that statue had a small chain wrapped around its foot, probably innocently to prevent theft, I thought it was rather poignant.

Sammy told me that this is where he used to come to hang out as a kid, in america we were mall rats yes just as trashy but there was something so amusing about groups of young teenage boys hanging out in a fake italian town. It now made sense why he wasn't tougher, i mean you figure you come from a dangerous city and you might have a few tattoos knife scares and balls, maybe his child like innocence remained intact because he was hanging out in a fake world of plastic. Where the fucking streets could be mopped. I remarked what loosers they were to hang out in such a place. to which my boyfriend responded "but we are hanging out here" i had to correct him, WE are NOT hanging out, we are here to observe and judge! It just looks the same except we have a higher level of consciousness! I think he got it in the end.... we decided on the fake pub. Upon entering i was stopped, ready to get my id out the man asked me how old i was, 22 i replied, ok go in! In america id is demanded and even then questioned for its legit-ness, here i was being vocal questions and let in on my word! WHAT!!! to make things even better it was kareoke night in the pub!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH i wasnt nearly drunk enough and it didnt seem like the right crowd to start getting rowdy with. most were playing slow romantic tunes from the 90s, and not the good ones if you can even say that there are good ones, not even the bad ones that are so bad they are good, really i had never heard these tunes in my life. We eventually got kicked out at bar time and headed home. It was a good day in south africa and lets hope there are many to follow.

South africans talking about race and racism is like watching people play hot potato. "im not racist but she is" "he's racist but i have black friends" and so forth and so forth, every one saying the same thing about eachother! ahah