whats up with all these archie comics all over the place? in the bathroom, in the nightstand, theyre every where, dont get me wrong i love the archie comics, especially when i was 12 but why are there so many?? Finally when i took the opportunity to question the girl we live with. I was told to ask my boyfriend. I am learning so many new things about him, now i know that he has an unhealthy obsession with archie comics, i wonder if i am his betty or veronica??
hes nuts he just fucking nuts. when i describe him outloud it seems like hes completely fucked but i guess thats what love is because i find everything completely endearing.When we got home from the airport i found a little box on the bed with my name on it. I tried not to get too excited because knowing him it was probably a box of trash. I remember when i got "gifts" last year when he left america. It ranged from things he had found on the ground to thing i had found and given to him. I think a lot of it were things he couldnt manage to throw away so he gave it to me. Im talking about broken toys, platic flowers i had found on the ground, reciepts (he loves those) his car licence plate a drawing he had found (why?) either way at least you have a background story. I opened the box and noticed that it was a box previously given to him, theres nothing wrong with regifting right?? yeah well this kid abuses it!! As expected the box was chock full of reciets, a saftey pin, some shitty bracelet of beads that he no doubt found, a candy bar that said "ps you are one in a million", and a letter. Trust me now i describe none of this with malice or dissapointment in face i love it, its the funniest thing. The letter was beautfiul he is a little romeo and the candy bar, well i love chocolate no complaints there.......until i learned more. His gifts keep on giving but in a paradoxal sense, the gift is that every gift ends up not really being a gift. Luckily for me I was attempting to not induldge in the candy bar and save it for a special occasion. A couple nights later I began to insist we eat it. He said no no no ill explain later. What could there possible be to explain?? the candy bar has infact been given to HIM! and about 5!!!!!!!!!!! years ago! 5! Infact i looked at the experation date and it was 2007. What if i had eaten that! what the fuck!! i asked why the fuck did you give that to me! he innocently responded, did you see what was on it, yeah i fucking did "you are one in a million" but that was given to you! well he certainly is. I have yet to throw away those fucking reciets from various mcdonals and gas stations (evidence of all the donughts we bought together), but ill be damned if he thinks i wont be keeping that box! Dont get me wrong he treats me like a princess, i have been the reciepient of many wonderful things but its always funny and noteworthy when he does shit like this! I think he saw that friends episode to many times where rachel has that box of trash memoris for her and ross, he claims to not remember the episode but did admit he think he got the sentimental attatchment to trash from a movie, the boy is so easily influenced by media its scary!!
although the boy knows how to use his words and say some of the sweetest things that my aers have ever heard, sometimes his compliments are a lot like his gifts, a load of crap. Some compliments are insults! They are just hard to register becaues of his cute little accent. Compliments like, you look good lying down (yeah jackass thats cause my flubs flattens!) or this one "jamal, you know i like that you aren't girly" geez fucken thanks. Dont worry though i know how to counterblocck these insultiments. I calmly told him that i also enjoyed that he wasn't manly ;)
the best part about my boyfriend is that he thinks i am funny and doesnt get upset when i am obnoixious, which its like why would anyone? thats when i am the most hilarious! but for some it can get too much. You know he loves you when he pulls off your boots in front of everyone even when you didnt ask nicely. A lot of people just wont let you do you and its always nice to find some one who will. I guess i value that as one of the most important things. He doesnt like me getting too cocky though ;) You should have seen him get his panties all in a twist when bru said he thought i was a lesbian when he first met me and a little ganster! i didnt think to much about the lesbian thing and took the ganster as a compliment!! my boyfriend screamed out that there was not way i was ganster, but his credibility to make such a judgement was completely dashed out the window when he saw jadakiss on the tv screen and he thought it was timbaland, immediatly defending himself with "hey hey i like the rap" I nearly pissed myself. I like the rap too grandpa.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
SA
At least in south africa i wont have to work hard to be so trendy. I mean in melbourne we tried a couple of times but it just took soooooo long to figure out the perfect cute outfit which also looked like you didn't think too much about it. I am talking hours of preparation here. Upon my first entry into a south african clothing store i was practically blinded by all the sequence stitched onto the pants, needless to say i shat myself. But lets start from the top! I got off the plane, which on a side note to any that read about my last plane travels, it is definitely official, you can fart on planes and no one can hear you! Unfortunately i learned the confirmation of this from a comedian so there goes all that material! I got off the plane searching for my sweetheart, prepping myself for the perfect reunion which involved jumping into his arms with a fat kiss. Needless to say i was rather disappointed when i saw his best friend screaming my name and him nowhere in sight! I mean of the two south africans i know he was the LAST person i thought i'd see :) my sweetie ran in about 3 min after my arrival, traffic i was told. No flowers no nothing but his outfit was color coordinated so it wasnt a complete dissapointment.
We then went out to eat with his mom and friend (bru) maybe to make me feel at home they chose a place called "Spur" I have to say that i am delighted to describe this place to my readers because I am sure they are completely unaware of it's existence! Spur is a chain food place similar to our applebees or bbq daves. Except this place is decorated with all native american images. It was almost bizzaar, next to the sign was a native american image in a chief headdress! Our sports teams arent even allowed to do that and in south african they have a fucking chain enterprise with it! AHHHHH inside there were wooden carved eagles, headdresses, axes with feathers, i mean i don't even know how to describe the amount of "native american" memorabilia shit they had inside. They served steaks hamburgers and fries. On the placematt infront of me it talked about a group of indians that in 1985 had set out to create the largest hamburger in the world. Yes of course there is nothing better then creating a giant hamburger for a group of native americans! I ofcourse have to google the validity of this great hamburger legend!
It was my first meal, my first day and my first dine and ditch in south africa!!! I walked out heading to the care to notice my boyfriend walking skittishly infront of me. It was a shit meal with shit service but does that really warrant ditching the bill! ahhhh My first lesson "south africa no rules!!" After just 3 days it would not be my last reminder of this "golden rule" or rather that the only rule is that there are no rules! its like everykids club house has just been realized in a country. Stop lights mean nothing to these people!!
The next day I went with my boyfriend to all his jobs. it was nice just to be with him shooting the shit. It was so odd to look around and see the area where he had grown up. I thought about how one would expect in a country surrounded by such poverty people would maybe live a little more minimally but the only evidence i found in that was the similarity between minimally and minimalls, which are fucking everywhere! and I fucking hate minimalls!!! I like independent stores that dont seem so commercialize. between each minimall there are only highways where the people drive like fucking maniacs!!!! I swear ofter 3 days i feel like i have alraedy almost gotten into 5 accidents, avoided by inches, my dad would just die!!! so basically you need a car, which is not good. I can't even imagine biking around here. But i will say that the people have been beyond friendly. Every one stopping for a chat and like italy all the men very free with the compliments. I was told by the gate man that i looked good and then by our electrician that i looked amazing! Its like italy except in english and i cant say i dont like it. Is it anti-femminist to enjoy being treated like an object, probably. I know many girls that get upset or disgusted but i am like thank you! and keep them coming! common ladies before long our breasts will be hitting the floor and our asses will be slowly sucked into our shriveled old bodies, lets get those compliments while it lasts!
On my third day the depression set in. I have just left a life where my destiny (bike) brings me where ever i want to go. I love that freedom and then i was stuck in a house for the whole day. I was not a happy camper when my boyfriend returned home around 2. I know you are shocked usually i sleep till around 2! but the time difference got me all fucked up and i am waking around 9! At the time I didnt know it but the our night festivities could have made up for 24 hours stuck inside.
We were on our way to SOCCER CITY!!! to watch the south african team play in south africa for the first time!!! it was history and it was fucking fun!!! the line of cars was insane to the point that we were able to just get out walking along the side of traffic tooting these long horn noise makers that EVERYONE has! every one was so festive, singing tooting screaming. Eventually we parked our car on the shoulder of the road behind a huge line of people who had all done the same! no rules!!! we ran towards the stadium as if it were the mother ship. We hit a road block as we came up to a long line of people filing onto a windy bridge. The side street were filled with people selling shit and old ladies selling grilled meats! There was no cocacola stand with some pimply teenage with braces, there were not hotdog carts rolling around, i mean this was real shit. It took a whole 30 seconds for these motivated and problem solving people to find away around the line, before i knew it i was sliding down the side of a path, jumping a 3 foot hill of dirt and grass, and jumping the wall of another part of the bridge. Then we got to the security line, fences were already lying on the ground and there seemed to be nothing similar to a line to follow. A few of the boy i was with jumped one of the line fences, the security who was packing a fucking huge machine gun did not look happy, and neither was i as my boyfriend used my body as a shield against them pushing me to jump the toppling fence as well. HELL NO! that other fucker has a machine gun i am doing what i am told! Obviously i was the only one with this mindset! in the ticket line a poor girl opened a gate to let a journalist through and it was mayhem people running and shoving from all directions, we were tempted because damn it did look fun but i had a feeling i would be the girl who fell on the ground left behind by the group of boys i came with! inside there was more running to get seats, a fucking obstacle course. i kept my slow and steady gait. Inside it was phenomenal, the place was packed! You couldnt even talk from all the horns going off! You can tell theyre new to this though, the crowd wasnt very organized in their chaos, they really need to learn how to chant with eachother!! South africa won! and we got to head home content.
its been so bazaar to be with my boy and bru in their own country. Its like the twilight zone! they saw that i was tripping and decided to take the night further! we stopped at the montecarlo casino! You think you are in africa now?? my boyfriend said wait till we get inside the casino you are going to shit your face off! and shit my face off i did indeed! How do i begin to describe this place. It was a little italy made of plastics, the ceiling was painted like the sky and through out the fake city the time of day changed. They had cobble stone streets fountains, bikes chained to lamp posts! a little polizia car! little mini piazzas! una trattoria! the only thing was everything was made of plastic!! it was like they thought, well if we cant go to europe we will just have to bring europe to us! I had walked through streets like these in italy, it was beyond realistic except that it was all PLASTIC!!!! They had fake discotechas and pubs where the brick colums were also plastic!! I dont know if the people in them thought of it as fake but i could definitely spot the impostor!! they even had an "american" store. I was again about to come face to face with my own culture and shit myself. Outside the stores two tall wooden carved native americans stood proudly. Now heres the kicker. They were carved wearing skirts painted the stars and stripes of the american flag! Is it offensive if no one that looks at it realizes it!? to ad a little metaphorical kicker that statue had a small chain wrapped around its foot, probably innocently to prevent theft, I thought it was rather poignant.
Sammy told me that this is where he used to come to hang out as a kid, in america we were mall rats yes just as trashy but there was something so amusing about groups of young teenage boys hanging out in a fake italian town. It now made sense why he wasn't tougher, i mean you figure you come from a dangerous city and you might have a few tattoos knife scares and balls, maybe his child like innocence remained intact because he was hanging out in a fake world of plastic. Where the fucking streets could be mopped. I remarked what loosers they were to hang out in such a place. to which my boyfriend responded "but we are hanging out here" i had to correct him, WE are NOT hanging out, we are here to observe and judge! It just looks the same except we have a higher level of consciousness! I think he got it in the end.... we decided on the fake pub. Upon entering i was stopped, ready to get my id out the man asked me how old i was, 22 i replied, ok go in! In america id is demanded and even then questioned for its legit-ness, here i was being vocal questions and let in on my word! WHAT!!! to make things even better it was kareoke night in the pub!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH i wasnt nearly drunk enough and it didnt seem like the right crowd to start getting rowdy with. most were playing slow romantic tunes from the 90s, and not the good ones if you can even say that there are good ones, not even the bad ones that are so bad they are good, really i had never heard these tunes in my life. We eventually got kicked out at bar time and headed home. It was a good day in south africa and lets hope there are many to follow.
South africans talking about race and racism is like watching people play hot potato. "im not racist but she is" "he's racist but i have black friends" and so forth and so forth, every one saying the same thing about eachother! ahah
We then went out to eat with his mom and friend (bru) maybe to make me feel at home they chose a place called "Spur" I have to say that i am delighted to describe this place to my readers because I am sure they are completely unaware of it's existence! Spur is a chain food place similar to our applebees or bbq daves. Except this place is decorated with all native american images. It was almost bizzaar, next to the sign was a native american image in a chief headdress! Our sports teams arent even allowed to do that and in south african they have a fucking chain enterprise with it! AHHHHH inside there were wooden carved eagles, headdresses, axes with feathers, i mean i don't even know how to describe the amount of "native american" memorabilia shit they had inside. They served steaks hamburgers and fries. On the placematt infront of me it talked about a group of indians that in 1985 had set out to create the largest hamburger in the world. Yes of course there is nothing better then creating a giant hamburger for a group of native americans! I ofcourse have to google the validity of this great hamburger legend!
It was my first meal, my first day and my first dine and ditch in south africa!!! I walked out heading to the care to notice my boyfriend walking skittishly infront of me. It was a shit meal with shit service but does that really warrant ditching the bill! ahhhh My first lesson "south africa no rules!!" After just 3 days it would not be my last reminder of this "golden rule" or rather that the only rule is that there are no rules! its like everykids club house has just been realized in a country. Stop lights mean nothing to these people!!
The next day I went with my boyfriend to all his jobs. it was nice just to be with him shooting the shit. It was so odd to look around and see the area where he had grown up. I thought about how one would expect in a country surrounded by such poverty people would maybe live a little more minimally but the only evidence i found in that was the similarity between minimally and minimalls, which are fucking everywhere! and I fucking hate minimalls!!! I like independent stores that dont seem so commercialize. between each minimall there are only highways where the people drive like fucking maniacs!!!! I swear ofter 3 days i feel like i have alraedy almost gotten into 5 accidents, avoided by inches, my dad would just die!!! so basically you need a car, which is not good. I can't even imagine biking around here. But i will say that the people have been beyond friendly. Every one stopping for a chat and like italy all the men very free with the compliments. I was told by the gate man that i looked good and then by our electrician that i looked amazing! Its like italy except in english and i cant say i dont like it. Is it anti-femminist to enjoy being treated like an object, probably. I know many girls that get upset or disgusted but i am like thank you! and keep them coming! common ladies before long our breasts will be hitting the floor and our asses will be slowly sucked into our shriveled old bodies, lets get those compliments while it lasts!
On my third day the depression set in. I have just left a life where my destiny (bike) brings me where ever i want to go. I love that freedom and then i was stuck in a house for the whole day. I was not a happy camper when my boyfriend returned home around 2. I know you are shocked usually i sleep till around 2! but the time difference got me all fucked up and i am waking around 9! At the time I didnt know it but the our night festivities could have made up for 24 hours stuck inside.
We were on our way to SOCCER CITY!!! to watch the south african team play in south africa for the first time!!! it was history and it was fucking fun!!! the line of cars was insane to the point that we were able to just get out walking along the side of traffic tooting these long horn noise makers that EVERYONE has! every one was so festive, singing tooting screaming. Eventually we parked our car on the shoulder of the road behind a huge line of people who had all done the same! no rules!!! we ran towards the stadium as if it were the mother ship. We hit a road block as we came up to a long line of people filing onto a windy bridge. The side street were filled with people selling shit and old ladies selling grilled meats! There was no cocacola stand with some pimply teenage with braces, there were not hotdog carts rolling around, i mean this was real shit. It took a whole 30 seconds for these motivated and problem solving people to find away around the line, before i knew it i was sliding down the side of a path, jumping a 3 foot hill of dirt and grass, and jumping the wall of another part of the bridge. Then we got to the security line, fences were already lying on the ground and there seemed to be nothing similar to a line to follow. A few of the boy i was with jumped one of the line fences, the security who was packing a fucking huge machine gun did not look happy, and neither was i as my boyfriend used my body as a shield against them pushing me to jump the toppling fence as well. HELL NO! that other fucker has a machine gun i am doing what i am told! Obviously i was the only one with this mindset! in the ticket line a poor girl opened a gate to let a journalist through and it was mayhem people running and shoving from all directions, we were tempted because damn it did look fun but i had a feeling i would be the girl who fell on the ground left behind by the group of boys i came with! inside there was more running to get seats, a fucking obstacle course. i kept my slow and steady gait. Inside it was phenomenal, the place was packed! You couldnt even talk from all the horns going off! You can tell theyre new to this though, the crowd wasnt very organized in their chaos, they really need to learn how to chant with eachother!! South africa won! and we got to head home content.
its been so bazaar to be with my boy and bru in their own country. Its like the twilight zone! they saw that i was tripping and decided to take the night further! we stopped at the montecarlo casino! You think you are in africa now?? my boyfriend said wait till we get inside the casino you are going to shit your face off! and shit my face off i did indeed! How do i begin to describe this place. It was a little italy made of plastics, the ceiling was painted like the sky and through out the fake city the time of day changed. They had cobble stone streets fountains, bikes chained to lamp posts! a little polizia car! little mini piazzas! una trattoria! the only thing was everything was made of plastic!! it was like they thought, well if we cant go to europe we will just have to bring europe to us! I had walked through streets like these in italy, it was beyond realistic except that it was all PLASTIC!!!! They had fake discotechas and pubs where the brick colums were also plastic!! I dont know if the people in them thought of it as fake but i could definitely spot the impostor!! they even had an "american" store. I was again about to come face to face with my own culture and shit myself. Outside the stores two tall wooden carved native americans stood proudly. Now heres the kicker. They were carved wearing skirts painted the stars and stripes of the american flag! Is it offensive if no one that looks at it realizes it!? to ad a little metaphorical kicker that statue had a small chain wrapped around its foot, probably innocently to prevent theft, I thought it was rather poignant.
Sammy told me that this is where he used to come to hang out as a kid, in america we were mall rats yes just as trashy but there was something so amusing about groups of young teenage boys hanging out in a fake italian town. It now made sense why he wasn't tougher, i mean you figure you come from a dangerous city and you might have a few tattoos knife scares and balls, maybe his child like innocence remained intact because he was hanging out in a fake world of plastic. Where the fucking streets could be mopped. I remarked what loosers they were to hang out in such a place. to which my boyfriend responded "but we are hanging out here" i had to correct him, WE are NOT hanging out, we are here to observe and judge! It just looks the same except we have a higher level of consciousness! I think he got it in the end.... we decided on the fake pub. Upon entering i was stopped, ready to get my id out the man asked me how old i was, 22 i replied, ok go in! In america id is demanded and even then questioned for its legit-ness, here i was being vocal questions and let in on my word! WHAT!!! to make things even better it was kareoke night in the pub!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH i wasnt nearly drunk enough and it didnt seem like the right crowd to start getting rowdy with. most were playing slow romantic tunes from the 90s, and not the good ones if you can even say that there are good ones, not even the bad ones that are so bad they are good, really i had never heard these tunes in my life. We eventually got kicked out at bar time and headed home. It was a good day in south africa and lets hope there are many to follow.
South africans talking about race and racism is like watching people play hot potato. "im not racist but she is" "he's racist but i have black friends" and so forth and so forth, every one saying the same thing about eachother! ahah
Roomies
I have good roomies, you can just tell they care.... We are by no means living the hard life but I will say that I have to use tshirts as pillow cases. There was no doubt in my mind what tshirt I would use yiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi Xena: Warrior princess, whats better then ending your day and resting your head on the bossom of a warrior princess. It made me feel strong and empowered like maybe some of xenas natural toughness, suaveness and total awsomeness would rub off on me during the night. When ever people ask me why i went to new zealand i usually reference xena, sometimes people try to identify which i can respect but dont fucking talk to me about how you were a big lose and liked buffy when you were younger, i mean commmon people buffy was a girl xena is a woman! Needless to say this became a very special pillow to me. when my boyfriend moved out I moved in with molly, a lovely sleeping partner. But when her sweetheart came over i found it only correct to relinquish my spot to the love birds. I have good roommates because they would put my pillow where ever they knew i was sleeping. It was proabably to avoid me coming in the room at 3 in the morning falling over things in the dark whispering that i needed my xena pillow, but i could always rely my pillow being placed out side the door or on the couch in preperation for my warrior princess sleep. yyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiy
Fat ass losers
I just realized as i was titling this "piece" that there are not nearly enough mean words to reference guys! I mean us girls we have bitches sluts whores cunts tramps, not surprising most referring to our sexual prowess, either way what good words do we have for insulting guys? dicks, bastards, loosers, assholes, poopy face most of these aren't actually that gender specific! Just saying ladies we should work on it! So back to the point. I HATE fat asses on guys. I always knew I did, ever since my best friends step father bent down in front of me and i nearly vomited in my mouth, i mean that ass was FAT! and not in the humpty dance good kinda way. It wasn't until I went to Italy and really started to notice their prevalence amoung the younger generation! It was a weird place to notice such a phenomenon because they are such a skinny and inshape society but I will say the male fat ass ratio is much higher in Italy. I would conclude that most american boys suffer from the flat ass, and I dont think its the jeans. Regardless if as a young boy you had a flat ass or a fat ass most will wind down their days with what i like to call the old man tucked ass. Old guys asses (not that I have been looking, but sometimes they are so in your face!) look like they have been tucked in on the bottom. I don't know if with old age maybe the pelvis starts curling, as to more easily rub your genitals on unsuspecting girls on the tram that cant move because its super full and cramped!! (thats me by the way) Its like their bodies have decided if we wont come to them theyll have to come to us! (god guys are so desperate) Well ill have you know that there are dire consequences of the pelvis curl! Its like the bottom half of the ass is missing. Like some one patted it down and tucked it under like a diaper. You know that i am thanking my lucky stars that my sweetie has got a rocking bod and an ass to boot!
Finally some fucking Kareoke!!
I was leaving in less then a week. We had created kareoke magic on the road trip at all costs but we still hadnt had that "live" mic experience and it was tragic. While i wish i could take credit it was molly who took the initiative. "lets go to china town and find some kareoke" no complaints here molly, lead the way! We had barely turned on to collins into china town and i spotted it immediately. shanghai club Kareoke. time to investigate. We were quickly disappointed and informed that we could rent a room out at 15 bucks each with one drink or 30 each with 4 drinks. I was quick to ask the lady if she knew of places where i could get drunk for cheap and force large rooms of people to listen to me scream into a microfone (god i miss america). Nope this was our only choice. We powwowed for almost 20 minutes, needless to say we are two cheep ass bitches but we were also wondering really how fun a kareoke room could be with just two people! (little did we know) we came to a final spontaneous decision, well it seemed spontaneous despite the fact we had discussed it at length. SOLD i screamed smacking my wallet on the counter, quickly to be embarrassed and informed that the cashier was around the corner, well there went my drammatic buy. We bought the room and immmediately ordered two shots of tequilla, which was delivered to us! Ah. We were escorted to a small room with a huge tv and pleather couches. the door closed behind us and it was mayhem! I dont think i have ever had that much fun! we went buck wild nuts, we were screaming and playing the music as loud as it could go! We were rolling around on the couches, standing on them, spidermanning the walls, their was hair whipping, couch humping, choreographed dances, solos, oldies, serenations, cool down songs, i mean we had it all, everything except our voices at the end of the night. which ended around 330 in the morning. I was almost nervous for someone to look through the window and see the two girls who had so seriously debated the decision of getting the room having the time of their life. Now i wish we had thought of this months ago because the rooms get bigger and bigger for more people, but i dont think we could ever recapture the kareoke magic that had occured at the shanghai club that night, it was liberation, complete freedom, everything i have ever wanted to do while preforming kareoke in front of a crowd. Thank you shanghai club and good night!
Road Tripping oooooout
warning: this blog is long and only dedicated to the one road trip i did in australia. I think there are good stories but its a long one, not necessarily super important, but i have to publish it because i dont want to forget any thing.
So I stayed in australia for about 4-5 months. Its a huge fucking country FYI. I am proud to say that I did a road trip, sure if you look on a map it is barely a hiuccup away from melbourne but at least i felt as if i were exploring. We went on the great ocean road, some might call it a couples trip but I'm not sure they have ever realized how much some girls enjoy eachothers company. I was lucky enough to do this trip with someone i enjoy immensely. Nothing could go wrong, besides everything. But is that really anything if you laugh about it? Think about this, if you accidentally pooped your pants but then laughed about it, did you really poop your pants?? think about it. Either way we were beyond excited for our little gals gettaway. We rented a car, I borrowed a broken microfone from a friend, we had about 5 bags of candy and 3 bags of hot cheetos, we had a tent, tons of blankets fuck even fun hats int he shape of donkey heads, i mean hello great ocean road we had it all!
we started with a few loose stitches, number one i was given one job. Get the weed. One job! yeah ok push it in my face I didn't do so well. THings were getting dramatic, it really seemed as if we were going to have to do a road trip completely sober well atleast until we could park and drink! scarry! call me nuts but i didnt think it was like the biggest deal, i knew we would have fun witheach other no matter what, but obviously molly did not share my sentiment, i mean the girl was trippin. Finally at the last minute im talking a half an hour before departure i got the hook up. so what was ai really supposed to do? duh a surprise. I planned it perfectly, i told her i had no such luck. she came home fuming, i meant FUMING. she wouldnt let me touch her she was so upset with my failure. I as planning on surprising her on the road but only because i didnt anticipate such a violent initial reaction. I had to immediately plan the surprise! She took one look at the surprise, looked at me, threw her keys down, and locked herself in the bathroom! Surprise! god i love surprises, dont you?? Well she got over it, we packed the car and we were on our way. Not much to tell cept that we had a great time driving, within 10 min i had my microfone out fake singing to etta james at last. We busied ourselves with important matters like would you rather, man makeover, do dump and marry, you know important stuff. We were headed to a free camping site int he middle of now where. We stopped off at the great ocean road entrance and took pictures. I had one of me (im embarrassed to say) taking a bronze statue from behind i guess is the least vulgar way to say it. Regardless im pretty sure it was a classic picture. Oh how we laughed!
We stopped off for chow, not that the pounds of candy werent satisfying every part of me (I think you can only assume that i was physically weak from trying to sustain myself on candy for 3 days) sorry mom and dad. We chose a classic fish and chip shop. You might think this is irrelevant and boring but I am upset and i need to vent! I was debating between the fish and chips and a steak sand which, DAMN TO HELL the great steak and potato company for making me have unrealistic expectations of a steak sandwhich damn them!!! when i say debating i MEAN debating, im talking like 10 minutes, thinking pondering, asking questions..... what kind of steak is it, what can i get on top? is it good? Tell me the truth! it was almost harassment. Stupidly i never thought to ask about the bread. SOLD! i stupidly screamed slamming my wallet on the counter! I dint open the minature box that that fucking fuck handed me until i reached the car, i knew it was going to be bad and i didnt know if i was going o be able to restrain myself from kicking his ass! i opened it up and i saw TOAST BREAD! i mean seriously! that sandwhich was like fucking 10 bucks. Im still not over it. Matters got worst when molly let me taste her calamari ring, salty goodness! she knows i like that! she knows salty goodness is my thing! as one of my good friends how could she have let me make such a bad purchase!!
The sights were gorgeous, simply beautiful! it started to get dark and we still hadnt found the camp site, i slowly realized that i was going to have to be an active passenger as molly kept questioning me.... " what was the name of the last road?" " did we go right or left" which way did the clown fish say to go?" I dont fucking know what are you senile? im the damn passenger! I have no idea im not paying attention, and the guy who gave us directions was dressed like a fucking clown what makes you think i could concentrate on what he was saying!" I raelly had to shape up and start actively participating. Oh the clown fish, we stoped by a birthday party where everyone had really elaborate outfits on, it was 7 so they were still sober but i am pretty sure we could have worked out an invite if we tried harder. We had other things to think about though, like driving in circles to find this camp site. I kept suggesting the sleep in the car idea. I had no problem with that i mean we had like 5 blankets! but nope! we stuck through till we found it! After 2 hours of circling we pulled into the site. (warning cars without 4 wheel drives do not attempt to go up hill) fuck that my driver said and there we went, rev rev went the engine. We eventually had to bail to a smaller hill. Then in the complete darkness we walked down the windyest muddiest path down to the camp site, molly nearly fell infron of a bunch of people. Two trips she positively replied! lets get started! fuck that! i in NOOOOOO ay wanted to bring all of our stuff down and set up a tent in the dark with one light. nope nope nope. We got back to the car and she was trying to inspire me. I concentrated on other things while she gathered the tent. "Biggie?!" what "where are the tent poles???!!!" I think she got as much response out of me as if she had asked where her chap stick was. It was music to my ears. I did not care. She was upset because we had planned all of this and then stupidly forgotten the essentials. needless to say she blamed the surprise. Finally she surrendered we laughed and started to prepare the car for sleep. Sure we had driven around for 2 hours for nothin because we were in fact sleeping in the car at the end but common it was funny. it was alllllll funny until i heard "biggie" what "where is the down blanket?" i lost it! "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GRAB THAT!" so here we were sleeping in the car with a sleeping bag and 2 pillows. while it was prolly the most uncomfortable sleep ever it was still one of the funnest nights! God i love girl time!!! I wasw pretty happy, we had so many stories and it was only the first night. We agreeed that we would tell no one which for satchel means to tell everyone, and we also agreed that we would get a hostel the next night.
The next morning we had a lovely walk though the BUSH. or the jungle. I am so confused by this term "the bush" are we here yet? are we in the bush yet? how do people not say it without laughing com'on! the bush. Back on the road again, life was beautfiul! we went surfing! well if you can call it that, i mostly just feared my life as waves knocked me sideways!! im usually fairly incontrol in the ocean but that day i was relaly loosing my shit! It was fun being in a wet suit, which let me tell you is really really hard to put on! molly nearly shit her self when she saw that i had put it on backwards. Well damn i dont know! that night we rolled into a one horse town and scouted out the hostels. Found one, settled in and started to cook. While grabbing food fromt he car, I hear that dreadful sound again "biggie!" nope nope nope i knew immediately and i was uninterested, i was happy lets eat and party i dont want to look back from here! but ofcourse i looked up and there she was, jaw hitting the floor with those god damn tent poles in hand. we were confused, would have it been dumber to just plain for get them? or just think we forgot them. We were at a standstill and frankly i didnt give a shit. Fuck the tent polls lets eat and party. And party we did. we quickly found the only bar in the town which had a buck hunter in it! and I regulated!!! to be continued......
So I stayed in australia for about 4-5 months. Its a huge fucking country FYI. I am proud to say that I did a road trip, sure if you look on a map it is barely a hiuccup away from melbourne but at least i felt as if i were exploring. We went on the great ocean road, some might call it a couples trip but I'm not sure they have ever realized how much some girls enjoy eachothers company. I was lucky enough to do this trip with someone i enjoy immensely. Nothing could go wrong, besides everything. But is that really anything if you laugh about it? Think about this, if you accidentally pooped your pants but then laughed about it, did you really poop your pants?? think about it. Either way we were beyond excited for our little gals gettaway. We rented a car, I borrowed a broken microfone from a friend, we had about 5 bags of candy and 3 bags of hot cheetos, we had a tent, tons of blankets fuck even fun hats int he shape of donkey heads, i mean hello great ocean road we had it all!
we started with a few loose stitches, number one i was given one job. Get the weed. One job! yeah ok push it in my face I didn't do so well. THings were getting dramatic, it really seemed as if we were going to have to do a road trip completely sober well atleast until we could park and drink! scarry! call me nuts but i didnt think it was like the biggest deal, i knew we would have fun witheach other no matter what, but obviously molly did not share my sentiment, i mean the girl was trippin. Finally at the last minute im talking a half an hour before departure i got the hook up. so what was ai really supposed to do? duh a surprise. I planned it perfectly, i told her i had no such luck. she came home fuming, i meant FUMING. she wouldnt let me touch her she was so upset with my failure. I as planning on surprising her on the road but only because i didnt anticipate such a violent initial reaction. I had to immediately plan the surprise! She took one look at the surprise, looked at me, threw her keys down, and locked herself in the bathroom! Surprise! god i love surprises, dont you?? Well she got over it, we packed the car and we were on our way. Not much to tell cept that we had a great time driving, within 10 min i had my microfone out fake singing to etta james at last. We busied ourselves with important matters like would you rather, man makeover, do dump and marry, you know important stuff. We were headed to a free camping site int he middle of now where. We stopped off at the great ocean road entrance and took pictures. I had one of me (im embarrassed to say) taking a bronze statue from behind i guess is the least vulgar way to say it. Regardless im pretty sure it was a classic picture. Oh how we laughed!
We stopped off for chow, not that the pounds of candy werent satisfying every part of me (I think you can only assume that i was physically weak from trying to sustain myself on candy for 3 days) sorry mom and dad. We chose a classic fish and chip shop. You might think this is irrelevant and boring but I am upset and i need to vent! I was debating between the fish and chips and a steak sand which, DAMN TO HELL the great steak and potato company for making me have unrealistic expectations of a steak sandwhich damn them!!! when i say debating i MEAN debating, im talking like 10 minutes, thinking pondering, asking questions..... what kind of steak is it, what can i get on top? is it good? Tell me the truth! it was almost harassment. Stupidly i never thought to ask about the bread. SOLD! i stupidly screamed slamming my wallet on the counter! I dint open the minature box that that fucking fuck handed me until i reached the car, i knew it was going to be bad and i didnt know if i was going o be able to restrain myself from kicking his ass! i opened it up and i saw TOAST BREAD! i mean seriously! that sandwhich was like fucking 10 bucks. Im still not over it. Matters got worst when molly let me taste her calamari ring, salty goodness! she knows i like that! she knows salty goodness is my thing! as one of my good friends how could she have let me make such a bad purchase!!
The sights were gorgeous, simply beautiful! it started to get dark and we still hadnt found the camp site, i slowly realized that i was going to have to be an active passenger as molly kept questioning me.... " what was the name of the last road?" " did we go right or left" which way did the clown fish say to go?" I dont fucking know what are you senile? im the damn passenger! I have no idea im not paying attention, and the guy who gave us directions was dressed like a fucking clown what makes you think i could concentrate on what he was saying!" I raelly had to shape up and start actively participating. Oh the clown fish, we stoped by a birthday party where everyone had really elaborate outfits on, it was 7 so they were still sober but i am pretty sure we could have worked out an invite if we tried harder. We had other things to think about though, like driving in circles to find this camp site. I kept suggesting the sleep in the car idea. I had no problem with that i mean we had like 5 blankets! but nope! we stuck through till we found it! After 2 hours of circling we pulled into the site. (warning cars without 4 wheel drives do not attempt to go up hill) fuck that my driver said and there we went, rev rev went the engine. We eventually had to bail to a smaller hill. Then in the complete darkness we walked down the windyest muddiest path down to the camp site, molly nearly fell infron of a bunch of people. Two trips she positively replied! lets get started! fuck that! i in NOOOOOO ay wanted to bring all of our stuff down and set up a tent in the dark with one light. nope nope nope. We got back to the car and she was trying to inspire me. I concentrated on other things while she gathered the tent. "Biggie?!" what "where are the tent poles???!!!" I think she got as much response out of me as if she had asked where her chap stick was. It was music to my ears. I did not care. She was upset because we had planned all of this and then stupidly forgotten the essentials. needless to say she blamed the surprise. Finally she surrendered we laughed and started to prepare the car for sleep. Sure we had driven around for 2 hours for nothin because we were in fact sleeping in the car at the end but common it was funny. it was alllllll funny until i heard "biggie" what "where is the down blanket?" i lost it! "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GRAB THAT!" so here we were sleeping in the car with a sleeping bag and 2 pillows. while it was prolly the most uncomfortable sleep ever it was still one of the funnest nights! God i love girl time!!! I wasw pretty happy, we had so many stories and it was only the first night. We agreeed that we would tell no one which for satchel means to tell everyone, and we also agreed that we would get a hostel the next night.
The next morning we had a lovely walk though the BUSH. or the jungle. I am so confused by this term "the bush" are we here yet? are we in the bush yet? how do people not say it without laughing com'on! the bush. Back on the road again, life was beautfiul! we went surfing! well if you can call it that, i mostly just feared my life as waves knocked me sideways!! im usually fairly incontrol in the ocean but that day i was relaly loosing my shit! It was fun being in a wet suit, which let me tell you is really really hard to put on! molly nearly shit her self when she saw that i had put it on backwards. Well damn i dont know! that night we rolled into a one horse town and scouted out the hostels. Found one, settled in and started to cook. While grabbing food fromt he car, I hear that dreadful sound again "biggie!" nope nope nope i knew immediately and i was uninterested, i was happy lets eat and party i dont want to look back from here! but ofcourse i looked up and there she was, jaw hitting the floor with those god damn tent poles in hand. we were confused, would have it been dumber to just plain for get them? or just think we forgot them. We were at a standstill and frankly i didnt give a shit. Fuck the tent polls lets eat and party. And party we did. we quickly found the only bar in the town which had a buck hunter in it! and I regulated!!! to be continued......
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