I have no problem and I am actually extremely surprised I haven't written it before but an entire blog dedicated to Tyra Banks is YES completely necessary. I honestly feel like i could write a blog after every episode. The woman has officially lost her fucking mind! Or is a robot created by some secret male government agency (the man) designed to keep women dependent on dumb stinky men for the rest of their lives. Of course the men that Tyra puts on a pedastool are good looking and rich. She tries to teach women not to gold-dig ugly old men, but if they are attractive then you have hit the jack pot sista! I believe she actually had a workshop on how to correctly identify a man with money. Now thats a lesson you don't want to miss! I mean you might accidentally get with someone that can't buy you anything! Ewww
She is undoubtedly attempting to teach generations of women how to be the "perfect woman". You watch her shows and learn that you need a wardrobe change, you need to lose weight, men with money are good, and one should NEVER fart in-front of their boyfriend no matter how much time has passed! Its just not attractive ladies, so FUCKING hold it in!!!!!!! Or so says the wife of Howard Stern (She was apart of Tyra's panel of expert idiot judges who were answering all those big questions that we women, just for the life of us, can't seem to figure out!) I have so much fucking hatred in my heart after Mrs. Stern forbid all of the women in the crown to ever fart in-front of a man because it wasn't sexy. WTF is all i have to say! What is this the 1920s? Is the purpose behind everything i do, to attract a man? Where is my own life Mrs. stern? huh?? Haven't you ever seen that T-shirt "its all about me" well they also make that shirt in women sizes and i think it is perfectly acceptable to do things that aren't necessarily attractive but maybe comfortable! Its like sacrifice is synonymous with women. Well i say suck my big dick! cause that's fucked!
Sorry I am getting really vulgar here and I apologies. Seriously that farting comment just left me fuming the entire day! Because ill tell you what, if comfort-ability and being yourself isn't sacrificed, then you sacrifice you image as that "woman" that "whhattah woman" and some times i just don't know which way is up and what is worth more! Your individuality or your sex appeal! In this world they have a funny way of distinguishing the importance. sorry I didn't want to get all serious here, but it was just bound to because i truly believe Tyra is doing some detrimental damage to the women dumb enough to drink the kool-aid or feel the mythical "real" breast of the "real" Tyra banks who some time before she was a international supermodel at 16 managed to have all those real person life experiences that makes her so identifiable today. I mean seriously I have seen the woman try to identify with burn victims. This is getting to be a real problem.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Monkey in the house!
Now in my head, in my dreams, maybe just in my past, i would be completely overjoyed to see a monkey not only 5 feet away from me but in my house! In my mind that monkey would probably be walking across the room to get my pencil that dropped and quickly running back to give me a giant monkey hug. The actual situation was quite different. As i looked up from my computer and saw a monkey, in the house standing 5 feet away from me looking innocent as ever with a package of biscuits in it's cute little monkey fingers, i silently mouthed I'm sorry and started screaming "monkey in the house! monkey in the house!" my boyfriend was the first to run in and use me as a human shield. A defensive move that when it come to him i am no stranger to. Luckily our other friend ran to the room in protector mode and chased it out. It was exciting and scary, I think for everyone else it eventually became a menace when they broke in to the house several more times! While I didn't admit it, I continued to ponder through out the day various ways to have offered friendship or a life long bond which would force me to find a way to sneak my new monkey on the plane to return to America because at that point we wouldn't be able to be apart and my monkey would do anything for me. I figured it was neither the time or place but I also feel like maybe i lost my only chance!
MIC (monkey in crime)
That's what i need and have always wanted, a monkey in crime! a smart cute monkey that knows how to laugh and point, that way i can be sure that we are both laughing at the same thing.
DAmn those monkeys are ballsy, ps they have blue balls that look translucent, seriously you could get lost in those balls for days! These monkeys know how to party and lets face it, they are the only animal that really knows how to do business! All the animals were amazing to see but at times they were kinda boring, i mean come on compared to the coordinated dances i was used to seeing in the lion king, grazing really wasn't that impressive to me! But those monkeys, well they know how to take chances, plan attacks and play! my friend said that they sometimes break into the house if you forget to lock windows, they ruin the house he said, shit is just every where and they just get into everything. he said when he got home the refrigerator was rampaged! food was everywhere! apples, cereals, eggs, two minute noodles, can you believe it the monkeys had even made two minute noodles! they really are that easy to make!
MIC (monkey in crime)
That's what i need and have always wanted, a monkey in crime! a smart cute monkey that knows how to laugh and point, that way i can be sure that we are both laughing at the same thing.
DAmn those monkeys are ballsy, ps they have blue balls that look translucent, seriously you could get lost in those balls for days! These monkeys know how to party and lets face it, they are the only animal that really knows how to do business! All the animals were amazing to see but at times they were kinda boring, i mean come on compared to the coordinated dances i was used to seeing in the lion king, grazing really wasn't that impressive to me! But those monkeys, well they know how to take chances, plan attacks and play! my friend said that they sometimes break into the house if you forget to lock windows, they ruin the house he said, shit is just every where and they just get into everything. he said when he got home the refrigerator was rampaged! food was everywhere! apples, cereals, eggs, two minute noodles, can you believe it the monkeys had even made two minute noodles! they really are that easy to make!
10 secret desires
1. Get an entire bar of women to sing "girls just want to have fun"
2. Ride wild animals - Elephants, ostriches, lions, giraffes, I see them and think.......god i want to just ride you!
3. Become a foosball champion
4. have tons of cheetah print clothing and accessories
5. taste beggin' strips cause they smell sooo good!
6. hula hoop at international festivals and get paid
7. kill a man
8. win big at a casino, but without betting any money
9. become a comic writer but without writing a script and facing possible rejection and failure
10. to have ten more secret desires!
2. Ride wild animals - Elephants, ostriches, lions, giraffes, I see them and think.......god i want to just ride you!
3. Become a foosball champion
4. have tons of cheetah print clothing and accessories
5. taste beggin' strips cause they smell sooo good!
6. hula hoop at international festivals and get paid
7. kill a man
8. win big at a casino, but without betting any money
9. become a comic writer but without writing a script and facing possible rejection and failure
10. to have ten more secret desires!
Boys just wanna have fun! (South africa thoughts)
I love hanging out with boys but sometimes moments come when you know that you just are very different from them. I had one of these moments in Mabula when my boyfriend picked up some small animals pellet poop, put them in his mouth and then proceeded to spit them at me. His friends joined in to have the contest of who could spit them the farthest, this was obviously not the first time occurrence of such a contest. Whats with boys and putting poo in their mouth?? i just don't know if i would be able to convince my girlfriends to put poo in their mouth and spit it a non impressive distance just for the sake of competition..... but maybe i just have never tried!
Look don't get me wrong i send mad props to my boys but i do harbor the secret or rather vocal desire that women could take over the world and break the wills of all men, ok maybe that was a little strong. But seriously i just think that us girls should have each others backs WAY more! Guys, ill tell you what! they fucking LOVE each other! its almost disgusting, sometimes depending on my mood watching guys get along so easily is almost as irritating as watching my boyfriend sleep (seriously it bothers the fuck out of me) his little male brain just switches off the single thought that he has and he just twitches off to sleep. super annoying.
I hang out with mostly boys because lets face it boys know how to chill. I have decided its because women have priorities, they have things to do, they cant just let a drop by turn into a movie and then a BBQ and then maybe a game of Bball i mean com'on i just named like 6 different outfit changes! Girls always have something to do! cant keep the woman down! no but seriously they dont know how to waste time like a man. im not sure if it is a good or bad thing especially because i fall on the side of time waster procrastinator masturbator but i just have to appreciate how many group activities they all participate in! and it seems very healthy as well! I mean way better then a night inhaling toxic nail polish fumes and suffering from the brain damaged caused by one of the violent pillow fights! not to mention the junk food!!! (sticks and sticks of butter!) Boys play sports! start fires, go on missions, plan camping trips (sure they dont have the organization of a woman but at least they are out there roughing it up!) ok i know i am wwayyyyyyyyyyy generalizing right now but i am just saying the exaggerated opinions i have formed by hanging out continuously with majority of boys.
Some times i like to trick the boys i hang with into admitting they actually are sexist machismo men. I joke around a lot with stupid questions that maybe make you laugh, think, vomit, or wonder what kind of child abuse i suffered, but one of them that i believe is very telling is the innocent enough question “if you could take one right away from women what would it be?” ooooooooh and you cant imagine the responses i have had! its almost become a study. Some people say that i am opening a can of beans with worms in it with that question, but i want to know why men are so protected. I mean we women are blamed for everything we do and say, i mean come'on sexual harassment is our fault right? It's like with this question, boys are allowed to think however they want, and if you are going to be offended then you shouldn't have asked the question in the first place. If you didn't want some guy to inappropriately spank you in the work place then you shouldn't wear jeans that show off your perfect ass, right?! that's bullshit. Men get the "get out of jail" care way to freely. Well, we have some boys that don't even hesitate breath or blink before the say something like..... to vote, to leave the house, then some actually will take the time to think or even rethink and give a second answer! that's when we get the real dirt! “to speak!, to think” that's right women mystery uncovered men don't really want us to have any rights at all! they are assholes!!! i always suspected as much so really at this point i just like to see who can come up with a clever witty response and then reflect on how it demonstrates how big of an asshole they actually are. and guess what, they all are.
Look don't get me wrong i send mad props to my boys but i do harbor the secret or rather vocal desire that women could take over the world and break the wills of all men, ok maybe that was a little strong. But seriously i just think that us girls should have each others backs WAY more! Guys, ill tell you what! they fucking LOVE each other! its almost disgusting, sometimes depending on my mood watching guys get along so easily is almost as irritating as watching my boyfriend sleep (seriously it bothers the fuck out of me) his little male brain just switches off the single thought that he has and he just twitches off to sleep. super annoying.
I hang out with mostly boys because lets face it boys know how to chill. I have decided its because women have priorities, they have things to do, they cant just let a drop by turn into a movie and then a BBQ and then maybe a game of Bball i mean com'on i just named like 6 different outfit changes! Girls always have something to do! cant keep the woman down! no but seriously they dont know how to waste time like a man. im not sure if it is a good or bad thing especially because i fall on the side of time waster procrastinator masturbator but i just have to appreciate how many group activities they all participate in! and it seems very healthy as well! I mean way better then a night inhaling toxic nail polish fumes and suffering from the brain damaged caused by one of the violent pillow fights! not to mention the junk food!!! (sticks and sticks of butter!) Boys play sports! start fires, go on missions, plan camping trips (sure they dont have the organization of a woman but at least they are out there roughing it up!) ok i know i am wwayyyyyyyyyyy generalizing right now but i am just saying the exaggerated opinions i have formed by hanging out continuously with majority of boys.
Some times i like to trick the boys i hang with into admitting they actually are sexist machismo men. I joke around a lot with stupid questions that maybe make you laugh, think, vomit, or wonder what kind of child abuse i suffered, but one of them that i believe is very telling is the innocent enough question “if you could take one right away from women what would it be?” ooooooooh and you cant imagine the responses i have had! its almost become a study. Some people say that i am opening a can of beans with worms in it with that question, but i want to know why men are so protected. I mean we women are blamed for everything we do and say, i mean come'on sexual harassment is our fault right? It's like with this question, boys are allowed to think however they want, and if you are going to be offended then you shouldn't have asked the question in the first place. If you didn't want some guy to inappropriately spank you in the work place then you shouldn't wear jeans that show off your perfect ass, right?! that's bullshit. Men get the "get out of jail" care way to freely. Well, we have some boys that don't even hesitate breath or blink before the say something like..... to vote, to leave the house, then some actually will take the time to think or even rethink and give a second answer! that's when we get the real dirt! “to speak!, to think” that's right women mystery uncovered men don't really want us to have any rights at all! they are assholes!!! i always suspected as much so really at this point i just like to see who can come up with a clever witty response and then reflect on how it demonstrates how big of an asshole they actually are. and guess what, they all are.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
