Paparazzi and Cake

Before i even begin I want to just share a small story that you might find unrelated or not. A month or two ago when i was putting good use to my college education by handing out flyers on a street corner for a bar in town, this man came up to me and complimented my bird earing that my mother gave me. He was homeless and a little crazy looking but he had a really high voice and a big belly which kind of made him pleasant. He said my earing were twinkling in the sun and that it was "Beautiful!" and that they made him want to "fly away like a bird in the sky" it was really quite sweet. The conversation started to become less poetic. when we talked about america and he told me he was afraid of gansters like al capone (during which he mimed some one shooting a gun in his crotch) it was definitely hilarious. he walked away and i counted it amoung my better interactions on the streets of melboure. Another day i walked by the same corner and he was propped up on an elbow lieing on a bench. His big belly was hanging out and he looked quite happy. He saw me and lifted his arms "give me a hug!" he screamed in that soft high voice of his. I didnt hug him but his proposal made my day. My 3rd and last time i saw him I was talking to one of the guys who sells newspapers on corners. I felt a flyer-newspaper kinship with him and had stoped to talk and console. I think we really could identity. my little man walked up to us and looked at me and then in the sweetest voice asked me "are you lady gaga?" needless to say I was complimented. I secretly hoped that maybe this resemblence would get me some positive attention in melbourne, at least some free club entrances right. and at the least some pa pa paparazzi!!!

I thought i saw the flash of a camera as i was biking down the street at 5 in the morning, obviously being conceited i figured someone wanted fotografic proof of the beauty of my ass when i bike. I mean i was used to the attention, the week before as i biked in a dress and tights (which by the way I thought was completely kosher, if you have tights on!) someone yelled "SLUT!" I'm sure they had no idea that actually the coment would not make me that angry but make me fondly think of my aunt mary, to which the same experience had happened to her when she was younger and making the same dire mistake! I felt a "slut" kinship with her! just two girls trying to wear what they want and use the only mode of transportation that they have, the bike.

Either way, the picture. I should have guessed that it was the unfortunate by product of my combinging chocolate cake and white shorts! I had already sealed my fate when i thought earlier, as i was hand shoveling that fucking cake in to my mouth, god i know this is going to get all over me whether i like it or not and i was wearing a pair of white shorts that always have notoriously become dirty. A couple of years earlier when i FIRST wore them i had sat in a puddle of some drinks and gotten a huge dirt stain on the butt. But I mean common cake!?? who can eat that with out it getting sloppy! Besides the fucking australians who eat every thing with a knife and fork like the daamn queen is going to shop up sometime and judge them on their fork ettiquette. Im a hand eater! I have opposable thumbs for a reason and thats to hold a sandwhich! or something along those same lines, being any food.

I thought i had beat the inevitable when i saw chocolate all over my knee and leg! Ha i was wearing shorts why would i care about it on my skin! I was too smug i know now because when i woke up there was a HUGE poop stain on the back of my white shorts! I mean i think you can determine from the details before that it was chocolate. It was too predictable! I almost barely got upset! Its soaking in the sink now. I thought it was inevitable and almost to no fault of mine. Until i remembered that i thought it was a good idea to set the piece of cake down on my bike seat, making a fone call as i left my friends house. I just HAAAAAAD to have that "i am leaving" piece. I removed the cake but not all of it obviously. So now there is probably a picture of my ass on the internet with a big poop stain on it. Well you gotta get famous some how right??