Paparazzi and Cake

Before i even begin I want to just share a small story that you might find unrelated or not. A month or two ago when i was putting good use to my college education by handing out flyers on a street corner for a bar in town, this man came up to me and complimented my bird earing that my mother gave me. He was homeless and a little crazy looking but he had a really high voice and a big belly which kind of made him pleasant. He said my earing were twinkling in the sun and that it was "Beautiful!" and that they made him want to "fly away like a bird in the sky" it was really quite sweet. The conversation started to become less poetic. when we talked about america and he told me he was afraid of gansters like al capone (during which he mimed some one shooting a gun in his crotch) it was definitely hilarious. he walked away and i counted it amoung my better interactions on the streets of melboure. Another day i walked by the same corner and he was propped up on an elbow lieing on a bench. His big belly was hanging out and he looked quite happy. He saw me and lifted his arms "give me a hug!" he screamed in that soft high voice of his. I didnt hug him but his proposal made my day. My 3rd and last time i saw him I was talking to one of the guys who sells newspapers on corners. I felt a flyer-newspaper kinship with him and had stoped to talk and console. I think we really could identity. my little man walked up to us and looked at me and then in the sweetest voice asked me "are you lady gaga?" needless to say I was complimented. I secretly hoped that maybe this resemblence would get me some positive attention in melbourne, at least some free club entrances right. and at the least some pa pa paparazzi!!!

I thought i saw the flash of a camera as i was biking down the street at 5 in the morning, obviously being conceited i figured someone wanted fotografic proof of the beauty of my ass when i bike. I mean i was used to the attention, the week before as i biked in a dress and tights (which by the way I thought was completely kosher, if you have tights on!) someone yelled "SLUT!" I'm sure they had no idea that actually the coment would not make me that angry but make me fondly think of my aunt mary, to which the same experience had happened to her when she was younger and making the same dire mistake! I felt a "slut" kinship with her! just two girls trying to wear what they want and use the only mode of transportation that they have, the bike.

Either way, the picture. I should have guessed that it was the unfortunate by product of my combinging chocolate cake and white shorts! I had already sealed my fate when i thought earlier, as i was hand shoveling that fucking cake in to my mouth, god i know this is going to get all over me whether i like it or not and i was wearing a pair of white shorts that always have notoriously become dirty. A couple of years earlier when i FIRST wore them i had sat in a puddle of some drinks and gotten a huge dirt stain on the butt. But I mean common cake!?? who can eat that with out it getting sloppy! Besides the fucking australians who eat every thing with a knife and fork like the daamn queen is going to shop up sometime and judge them on their fork ettiquette. Im a hand eater! I have opposable thumbs for a reason and thats to hold a sandwhich! or something along those same lines, being any food.

I thought i had beat the inevitable when i saw chocolate all over my knee and leg! Ha i was wearing shorts why would i care about it on my skin! I was too smug i know now because when i woke up there was a HUGE poop stain on the back of my white shorts! I mean i think you can determine from the details before that it was chocolate. It was too predictable! I almost barely got upset! Its soaking in the sink now. I thought it was inevitable and almost to no fault of mine. Until i remembered that i thought it was a good idea to set the piece of cake down on my bike seat, making a fone call as i left my friends house. I just HAAAAAAD to have that "i am leaving" piece. I removed the cake but not all of it obviously. So now there is probably a picture of my ass on the internet with a big poop stain on it. Well you gotta get famous some how right??

Partner in Lonliness (PIL)

So my boyfriend has been gone about two weeks so needless to say i have masterbated about 40 times, just joking! i have been really busy so its only really been like twice, twice in a half.... man i miss that little fuck. Its nice to eat all my food without having to share it. But i will say its become difficult to choke those last bites down knowing they are meant for my sweetheart....... just joking its easy but i do think of him. Its hard not having a PIS, wow that is a lot nicer when you just say the letters vocally, written down it kind of disturbs me, I guess ill say PIB (partner in bed) sorry PIC (partner in crime) is reserved for my elizabeth! Either way i miss the company. I have been relentless in asking my roommates to hang out with me. I mean com'on! why dont you want to just sit and watch some bad reality tv shows with me and laugh!?! why!!? I miss that..... Sorry thats more about Liz. But i do miss my sammy. My breakfast is seriously lacking. He is apart of a club that i started..... ok fine that we started! and its called the breakfast buddies, well now being just the breakfast bud its not nearly as enjoyable. Sucks when you have no one to get the other thing you want on the menu so you can get two things. I was the president and he was the king. I had first picks but something tells me he would have picked king first anyways. I think it is very representative of our contrasting countries ;) ah freedom democracy and fucking justice for all! Well now i have pleanty of freedom! too much.. in the sense of free time and shit, not free pussy.

I think for most people its normal. It just is such a drastic change for me i find myself confused! Last monday as I walked into my apartment screaming "LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!". Well it was empty and I was embarassed. It was a good thing i was atleast alone. I hulahooped for a little while waiting for somebody, anybody! to turn up and tell me that we would be departing for 2 dollar pots at the workersclub at 5 sharp. Well....no one came. and there i was waiting, waiting to live, waiting to die, waiting for a redemption that would never come..... sorry that was titanic. Well shit got down to brass tacks pretty quickly and i realized I would have venture out into the big world solo dolo. I approached the counter and asked the girl for a jug, completely normal. how many cups?? dinner for one mam, thank you. It was actually quite nice, well kinda, cause lets face it, i like to talk and gab and yap away. Its not that easy to do by yourself. I found a listening victim and then more pretty quickly. It was a lovely night that was follwed by 4 dollar pizzas and i drunkenly tipped a girl for being nice. I get so loose after a few beers! I dont think i have tipped anyone since i have been here! Im sorry fellow waitresses but we are in australia make up your mind, tip not tip? italy made their decision and never looked back, here its kinda a limbo. But i will say i prefer for people to tip me. Selfish i know but honest at least. I'll say that I am prepared to do it all over again on Monday if i have to!

Its nice when i hang out with satchel. Shes like my biking buddy, oo that sounds good..... i think ill suggest that we call ourselves that next time we bike... THe other night we went to my restaurant for a pizza and had some wine. She had to work early so it was no big thing at all. But when we started biking, man my adreniline just shoots up and i get real ansy and really want to do something. I think i shouted out "fuck your work! lets go find a kareoke bar and just get wasted, you and me girl, YEAh! It had all the enthusiasm you would expect in such an idea, but obviously she said no. And this is the fucking bullshit i am talking about. I really thought i had her at kareoke but i guess being responsible and going to work probably was the btter decision...sigh. Despite my dissapointment that lingered for about 20 seconds we quickly rehashed our previous riviting discussion of what it would be like to have a kareoke party with the girls.The girls being Carol King, Tracy chapman, Mary J. Blidge, The shirelles and i cant remember who else. I envisioned a hottub at the party, i dont know why... just cause and the we planned obviously that the queen B beyonce would have to come by herself on another night. There was no kareoke but our party ideas with the girls kept me thinking all night, who else i searched my mind! WE also did a beautiful expressionistic dance up the stairs of our apartment while listening to carol king. It was beautiful, graceful and and probably really really good that no one saw us.

Scuddling through australia on my bike

Every body asks me if i just love it, which i do but i want to say no because they are all so conceited with their city. they think everything is sooooo great. I think we need to take them down a couple of notches! No thanks to bill brysons suck up fest book "Australia". I'm sorry, I think biking has made me quite spiteful. I just dont think that people respect what i am doing here. Im just like you but i have two wheels. All of a sudden it just doesnt count as transportion and deserving of any respect?

I'm working hard here, pedaling a way, and i mean PEDALING! my seat is a little too low so my legs are constantly at 90 degree angles. Ive often and kindly refered to my movements similiar to that of a rat scuddling of a drain pipe. I mean i have never seen a rat really but i imagine if i did they would be doing something like that.....scuddling....I mean i saw rataoui so i got a good idea......oh but anyways! I work hard on a my bike, and drivers, pedestrians, even other bikers everyone! gets so angry!! its like listen, yeah it was a red light! there were no cars, why do you have to go out of your way to scream at me! Whatev, i have been working on not letting it affect me.

I have gotten use to the bike abuse which in italy mostly came from old people that I think thought bikes were ment only for gentle pedaling and screamed out if they saw you biking fast. Ah the young, always in a rush, hooligans! I imagine thats what they were thinking in someway or another... it was definitely the worst if you ran into someone, or had the break quickly to not hit them. Every time it happened to me i would bike away and just ask WHY WHY!!! did it have to be an old person!!! i just cant stand that old fashion way that they shake thier fists at you! cane in hand and shit. I mean common this is the 21st century! just give me the finger! Biking comes with its troubles but I do still love it. The other day my lovely roomate (this one actually is not related to me) showed me a quicker way to get home from my work which is on the other side of town. I had ben taking a really round about way to get there and back. I mean like mother like daughter I found a route and stuck with it, never once stopping to look at the reasoning of a map. It was showed to me by my sweetheart, who now that i think about it, he probably did it on purpose to make me workout more! bastard! wheres the cake!?!

little did I know....

Well it has been a while but i have lots to say and about a minute to say it, or so i am told. this is a library computer so i think i will tryst what it has to say, i guess ill leave my future blogging for another day, 28 seconds just isnt enough time to rant!